Helping Teens and Young Adults Find Their Voice

Let’s be honest—advocating for yourself is hard.It’s hard for most adults; at least, I know it's hard for me. It’s especially hard when you’re a teen or young adult with ADHD or anxiety.

Whether it’s asking for accommodations at school, setting boundaries with friends, or letting a boss know what helps you do your best work—it takes courage to say, “This is what I need.” And for kids whose brains are wired for big emotions, rejection sensitivity, and overwhelm? Speaking up can feel downright impossible. But learning how to communicate needs effectively is a crucial life skill. The good news? Self-advocacy is something that can be learned and strengthened over time. It's a skill, not a personality trait. 

Why Self-Advocacy Matters

When young people can confidently express their needs, they gain independence, reduce stress, and build stronger relationships. Without self-advocacy, they may feel misunderstood, frustrated, or stuck in situations that don’t support them. When that happens, they lose confidence, and their inner critic becomes more present. The goal is to help them communicate clearly, respectfully, and confidently.

How to Help Your Teen or Young Adult Speak Up

1. Start With Self-Awareness

Before they can ask for what they need, they have to know what they need. And as we've said before, that takes self-monitoring, which is very difficult if you have ADHD. (If you missed that post, you can read it here.

Support them in exploring:

• What situations feel overwhelming, frustrating, or unsupported?

• What actually helps me focus, stay calm, or feel safe?

• How do I best process information—written instructions, verbal reminders, hands-on learning?

💡 Help them see that needs aren’t a favor or inconvenience—they’re information. And knowing your own brain is power. 

2. Give Them the Words

It’s one thing to know what you need. It’s another to know how to say it.

Offer simple scripts like this:

• State the need: “I work best with written instructions.”

• Explain why: “It’s hard for me to remember verbal directions.”

• Suggest a solution: “Could I get a copy of the instructions before class?”

The more concrete the ask, the easier it is for others to say yes.

3. Role-Play Real-Life Scenarios

Most kids freeze up because they’re unsure how the conversation will go—or they’ve had a bad experience in the past. They feel self-conscious and worry that they will be seen as "difficult." One way to help them is to practice, practice, practice.

Role-play common scenarios with them:💬 Asking a teacher for extended time on a test.💬 Telling a friend they need to head home early before they burn out.💬 Letting a boss know they focus best with a checklist, not verbal reminders.

Normalize that it’s okay to feel awkward. The goal is progress, not perfection. 

4. Encourage Small Steps First

Self-advocacy is a skill that builds over time. Each time they speak up and get what they need, they build confidence, and it gets easier. Encourage your child to begin with lower-stakes situations:

➡️ Help them draft an email to a teacher

➡️ Asking for clarification on an assignment.

➡️ Requesting a quieter workspace.

➡️ Telling a friend, “Hey, I’m not up for hanging out today.”

5. Remind Them They Deserve Support

Many teens and young adults hesitate to speak up because they don’t want to be a burden. Or they’ve been told they’re “too sensitive” or “too much.”Reassure them that asking for what they need isn’t an inconvenience—it’s a way to set themselves up for success. It's part of how we take care of ourselves and our relationships. It doesn't make you weak--it makes you human.

Building Confidence in Self-Advocacy

The more they practice, the easier it becomes. Over time, they’ll develop the confidence to stand up for themselves in academics, relationships, and the workplace. And when they do, they’ll not only get their needs met but also feel more in control of their lives. They will find that it feels really good to show up for themselves.

And isn’t that what we want for them? To know their needs matter. To know their voice matters. To believe, deep down, I deserve to take up space.

If your teen or young adult struggles with self-advocacy, they don’t have to figure it out alone. Book a consult today.