The Post-Holiday Crash Is Real

It's 7:42 a.m. on the first day back to school.

You've already asked your son to get dressed three times. He's still in his pajamas, building an "essential" Lego structure on the living room floor.

"We need to leave in eight minutes," you say, trying to keep your voice steady.

He doesn't look up. "I CAN'T find my good socks!"

You know for a fact his good socks are in his drawer. You washed them yesterday. But now he's crying, and you're mentally calculating if you can call in late to work, and why is this so hard when it was fine three weeks ago?

Meanwhile, across town:

Sarah's 16-year-old daughter hasn't left her room since yesterday. She missed her first day back, claiming she's "too tired" and "can't deal with people right now." Her phone is glued to her hand, but she won't respond to friends' texts. The college applications that were "almost done" before break? Untouched.

"She was fine over the holidays," Sarah told me. "Now she won't even come to dinner. I don't know if I should push or back off."

Sound familiar?

Whether your child is 7 or 17, the post-holiday return hits hard. And here's what most parents don't realize: the struggle looks different at different ages, but the root cause is often the same.

The holidays are over, and everything is supposed to "go back to normal."

Except… it doesn't.

For younger kids: Mornings are chaotic. Homework sparks tears. Even basic tasks like getting dressed and brushing teeth feel like uphill battles.

For teens and young adults: They're withdrawing. Sleeping more. Avoiding responsibilities. Snapping at you when you check in. School or work feels "impossible" suddenly.

You might be thinking: We were off for two weeks. Why is everything harder now?

Here's what I told both Maya and Sarah, and what I want you to know:

You're not imagining it. And your child isn't regressing.

Their brain and body — whether they're 8 or 18 — are trying to re-regulate after a season that threw off every piece of structure they rely on to function.

Why "Getting Back to Normal" Is Harder for Neurodivergent Brains (At Any Age)

For ADHD and anxious individuals, routines aren't just helpful. They're stabilizing.

Over the holidays, even the most well-meaning break disrupts:

• Sleep cycles

• Meal rhythms

• Movement and sensory input

• Predictability and emotional safety

That's not a problem in and of itself. But when routines fall away, these brains — young or maturing — often feel unmoored.

And the return to structure doesn't just feel inconvenient. It feels overwhelming.

For younger kids: What looks like defiance is usually dysregulation. The sock meltdown isn't about socks — it's a nervous system that's already maxed out.

For teens/young adults: What looks like laziness or avoidance is often executive dysfunction meeting anxiety. Their brain knows what they "should" do, but the gap between knowing and doing feels insurmountable.

So what looks like resistance is actually dysregulation — regardless of age.

4 Tools to Ease Back Into Structure (Without the Power Struggle)

Instead of "cracking down," try gently re-stabilizing their nervous system. These strategies work across ages — you'll just adjust the delivery.

1. Restart One Routine at a Time

Pick one anchor routine to bring back first.

For younger kids:

• Consistent wake-up times or a bedtime routine

• "This week, we're just focusing on bedtime. Everything else can wait."

• Use a visual schedule or checklist

For teens/young adults:

• One daily anchor: shower time, one meal together, a 10-minute walk

• "Let's just get back to having breakfast together. That's it for now."

• Let them co-create the routine (autonomy matters here)

Why it works: ADHD brains of all ages shut down when faced with too many expectations at once. One small win builds confidence and momentum.

Real results:

• Maya's 8-year-old: Morning wake-up time became their anchor. By day three, he was up without a fight.

• Sarah's 16-year-old: They agreed on "shower by 10 a.m." as the only non-negotiable. Everything else was flexible. Within a week, her daughter was coming downstairs more.

  
  

2. Add Transition Signals

Use cues that help shift gears between activities.

For younger kids:

• Timers, music cues, visual warnings ("5 more minutes")

• Transitional activity: "Let's do a stretch together, then start homework."

For teens/young adults:

• Text reminders or alarms that they set themselves

• "Body double" transitions: "I'm making coffee in 10 minutes if you want to join."

• Acknowledge the transition: "I know switching gears is hard. What would help?"

Why it works: Transitions are cognitively expensive for ADHD and anxious brains at any age. Prepping the system reduces resistance.

3. Expect Dysregulation — and Stay Regulated Yourself

Whether it's a meltdown or a door slam, pause. Breathe. Stay present.

For younger kids:

• "It's okay that this feels hard right now. We're easing back in."

• Co-regulate through your calm presence

For teens/young adults:

• "I'm not mad. I know this transition is rough."

• Give space, then reconnect: "I'm here when you're ready to talk."

• Resist lectures — they shut down when they're already overwhelmed

Why it works: Co-regulation is powerful at every age. Your calm nervous system helps regulate theirs, even when they push you away.

4. Build In Recovery Time

Don't expect anyone to go from 0 to 100.

For younger kids:

• Decompression time after school before homework

• "When you get home, we'll have quiet time for 20 minutes."

• Movement, silence, or sensory breaks

For teens/young adults:

• Buffer time between obligations (school, work, social)

• Normalize rest: "Your brain worked hard today. It's okay to do nothing for a bit."

• Respect their recharge style (alone time, music, exercise)

Why it works: ADHD and anxiety drain energy quickly at every age. Recovery isn't optional. It's essential.

The Truth You Need to Hear

With younger kids: You can still guide the structure. They'll resist, but you have more control over the framework.

With teens/young adults: You have to negotiate. They need autonomy in how they rebuild routines, even if you set gentle boundaries on when. Push too hard, and they'll dig in. Collaborate, and they're more likely to engage.

But at every age, the same principle applies: Reset slowly, not perfectly.

Reset Slowly, Not Perfectly

You don't need a perfect schedule to bring back rhythm. You need connection, clarity, and a whole lot of grace.

The goal isn't to have your child "fall back in line."

It's to rebuild structure with them, not at them. Because when routines are rooted in compassion and respect, their developmental stage, they're more likely to stick — and far less likely to trigger resistance.

Maya texted me last week: "It's not perfect. But mornings don't feel like war anymore. I'll take it."

Sarah sent this: "She came to the family dinner last night. Didn't say much, but she was there. Progress."

That's the win. Not perfection. Progress.

If January has you walking on eggshells — whether your child is 7 or 17 — you're not alone.

Come join my free Facebook group. It's full of parents navigating the same tricky transitions across all ages — with real talk, support, and tools that actually help.